We buried my Grandad this past Monday. He was 87 years old. He'd dealt with emphysema for years, needing to actually push his breathes out instead of simply exhaling as we take for granted when we have healthy lungs. Then lung cancer decided to up the challenge about 2 years ago. He fought that, too. He was a good man, a WWII veteran ranking as Captain upon his discharge. He and my Grandma had 5 children, including my Mom. One, a son, died while in the hospital post birth. They've lived in the same house since the two oldest...my Mom and her sister, Jan, were little girls. They even added onto the house when they found that the family was growing bigger than they expected, creating more bedrooms. My Grandad and Grandma were married 62 years.
I didn't know him that well. Our main connection was our shared birthday, March 9. He was a quiet man, mostly keeping to himself. Yet, his death has affected me in ways I wouldn't have expected. I see it more clearly how he impacted my life without so much direct verbal interaction. He was a pillar in our family...the man at the top...holding it down....."Lanny," as my dear Grandma affectionately nick-named him. He didn't smile much..but when he did..his face would light up. His passing brings about collapse at a certain level in the family.....a symbolic 9-11 if you will. He leaves my Grandma widowed...after being a constant for 62 years. I haven't known that kind of consistency in my life and cannot imagine it being gone the way my Grandma is now experiencing it. The love of her life fought the good fight, but he was tired and had to go. He was buried with Military honors...a fitting tribute to the man. I admired him and didn't even realize it until now.
My Grandma is the last of my grand parents still living. She is now moving out of the home they made together. My heart breaks when I think of all that is happening to her. If I could, I would stay and help her through this. From what I have seen, she is handling it the best she can..having the best possible attitude. It is still too much and I wish I could have stayed if it cushioned it that much more for her. She is moving to an Assisted Living facility. My hope is that she adapts to the change well..makes new friends and gets creative..and that I'll get to see all of this by making a point to visit her more often than I have..considering 1998 was the last time I had visited out there. The next time I saw her was at my Brother's wedding in 2002. It's far too infrequent to continue like this. My Grandad's passing brough the family together and made me appreciate them even more. I do not want it to be only death and weddings that bring us together. Hell, I missed two weddings already when my cousins got married.
So many of my best childhood memories are with my Mom's side of the family...all centrally located in one midwestern city. My dad's side of the family is spread out across the U.S. . It's a different experience. I'd spent many weekends there, where the whole family would gather at my Grandma's for dinner. My brother and I would always get excited at the prospect of seeing and playing with our cousins. We usually wound up down in the basement, chasing each other around the water heaters in the middle of the room while giggling the whole time. Those were happy memories. I am realizing there can be more, but we must make a point of coming together. I've missed much of my cousin's lives at this point by not visiting regularly. If anything good comes out of my Grandad's passing, it should be that it commanded attention to the family..nourish it. My Grandparent's failing health is what brought about the family coming together this past July, with Grandad's health getting poor and my Grandma having suffered a mild stroke. My Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister-In Law all went out there. I hadn't seen my Brother and his wife in almost 3 years, nevermind the rest of the family going on 7 years since. We made the most of the time, with my Dad parking the RV out front and the whole family getting together at Grandma's house. We were all finally together again.
My Grandma has always been there for me. Now she is at a point in her life where I need to be there for her. She needs to see me more than once every few years. She needs to know we are all there for her. I find myself already thinking of when I can next get back there...which would be Thanksgiving. I believe having us all together is the best way for my Grandma to heal and revitalize. This was the attitude at the post-funeral buffet. We were all in a private banquet room at an Italian buffet. The family was celebrated. We all took pictures of everyone together in different combinations. Photo albums were brought...celebrating the history of the family and how it came together. In them were photos of my Grandparents in their youth as well as my Mom, my two Aunts, and Uncle as kids. It was a little bit of chronological history in pictorial form. We were all together...and there sat my Grandma...her majesty in the purest and most loving sense at the center of it all.
When we had to leave the next day to return to our respective cities, I became more aware of how the family held my Grandma up. She expressed dread at the thought of my brother, his wife, and I having to leave. This was something she hadn't done before. When we left in the early morning, she woke up to say goodbye. Before I walked out the front door for the last time, knowing the house would no longer be in the family the next time I returned, I looked back at my Grandma sitting in my Grandad's easy chair in the living room watching me go. She was overcome with emotion and began to cry. I blew her a kiss, gave a look of reassurance and turned to walk out. Then I began to cry, too.
It is my hope that upon getting implanted with the CI, I will be able to pick up the phone and call my Grandma on a regular basis, or every two weeks, just to say hello and hear how things are going and what she is doing. I told this to my her and explained that it's not guaranteed...but a possibility. She lit up at the thought. So now this is one of my 5 hearing goals that I didn't get to put down when I filled out the form at the CI evaluation.
The denial letter arrived in the mail yesterday from the insurance company. All it had to say was: "benefits are not available for this service because benefits not covered by your plan (SIC)." A form letter with a macro lacking proper grammar is what I got. They were keeping it cold. The AB Administrator handling the appeal says I have a good chance of turning it around, but that it usually takes several months and multiple appeals before it turns around................I want to call the clerk at the insurance company and tell them to hurry up and just authorize it already...I need to call my Grandma.
I love you Grandad....as Mom said at the funeral...we will always share a birthday. It shall now be your own holiday in tribute. God Bless.
Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones besides the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells
Breathe - Pink Floyd
I never said I was frightened of dying
The Great Gig In the Sky - Pink Floyd
I didn't know him that well. Our main connection was our shared birthday, March 9. He was a quiet man, mostly keeping to himself. Yet, his death has affected me in ways I wouldn't have expected. I see it more clearly how he impacted my life without so much direct verbal interaction. He was a pillar in our family...the man at the top...holding it down....."Lanny," as my dear Grandma affectionately nick-named him. He didn't smile much..but when he did..his face would light up. His passing brings about collapse at a certain level in the family.....a symbolic 9-11 if you will. He leaves my Grandma widowed...after being a constant for 62 years. I haven't known that kind of consistency in my life and cannot imagine it being gone the way my Grandma is now experiencing it. The love of her life fought the good fight, but he was tired and had to go. He was buried with Military honors...a fitting tribute to the man. I admired him and didn't even realize it until now.
My Grandma is the last of my grand parents still living. She is now moving out of the home they made together. My heart breaks when I think of all that is happening to her. If I could, I would stay and help her through this. From what I have seen, she is handling it the best she can..having the best possible attitude. It is still too much and I wish I could have stayed if it cushioned it that much more for her. She is moving to an Assisted Living facility. My hope is that she adapts to the change well..makes new friends and gets creative..and that I'll get to see all of this by making a point to visit her more often than I have..considering 1998 was the last time I had visited out there. The next time I saw her was at my Brother's wedding in 2002. It's far too infrequent to continue like this. My Grandad's passing brough the family together and made me appreciate them even more. I do not want it to be only death and weddings that bring us together. Hell, I missed two weddings already when my cousins got married.
So many of my best childhood memories are with my Mom's side of the family...all centrally located in one midwestern city. My dad's side of the family is spread out across the U.S. . It's a different experience. I'd spent many weekends there, where the whole family would gather at my Grandma's for dinner. My brother and I would always get excited at the prospect of seeing and playing with our cousins. We usually wound up down in the basement, chasing each other around the water heaters in the middle of the room while giggling the whole time. Those were happy memories. I am realizing there can be more, but we must make a point of coming together. I've missed much of my cousin's lives at this point by not visiting regularly. If anything good comes out of my Grandad's passing, it should be that it commanded attention to the family..nourish it. My Grandparent's failing health is what brought about the family coming together this past July, with Grandad's health getting poor and my Grandma having suffered a mild stroke. My Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister-In Law all went out there. I hadn't seen my Brother and his wife in almost 3 years, nevermind the rest of the family going on 7 years since. We made the most of the time, with my Dad parking the RV out front and the whole family getting together at Grandma's house. We were all finally together again.
My Grandma has always been there for me. Now she is at a point in her life where I need to be there for her. She needs to see me more than once every few years. She needs to know we are all there for her. I find myself already thinking of when I can next get back there...which would be Thanksgiving. I believe having us all together is the best way for my Grandma to heal and revitalize. This was the attitude at the post-funeral buffet. We were all in a private banquet room at an Italian buffet. The family was celebrated. We all took pictures of everyone together in different combinations. Photo albums were brought...celebrating the history of the family and how it came together. In them were photos of my Grandparents in their youth as well as my Mom, my two Aunts, and Uncle as kids. It was a little bit of chronological history in pictorial form. We were all together...and there sat my Grandma...her majesty in the purest and most loving sense at the center of it all.
When we had to leave the next day to return to our respective cities, I became more aware of how the family held my Grandma up. She expressed dread at the thought of my brother, his wife, and I having to leave. This was something she hadn't done before. When we left in the early morning, she woke up to say goodbye. Before I walked out the front door for the last time, knowing the house would no longer be in the family the next time I returned, I looked back at my Grandma sitting in my Grandad's easy chair in the living room watching me go. She was overcome with emotion and began to cry. I blew her a kiss, gave a look of reassurance and turned to walk out. Then I began to cry, too.
It is my hope that upon getting implanted with the CI, I will be able to pick up the phone and call my Grandma on a regular basis, or every two weeks, just to say hello and hear how things are going and what she is doing. I told this to my her and explained that it's not guaranteed...but a possibility. She lit up at the thought. So now this is one of my 5 hearing goals that I didn't get to put down when I filled out the form at the CI evaluation.
The denial letter arrived in the mail yesterday from the insurance company. All it had to say was: "benefits are not available for this service because benefits not covered by your plan (SIC)." A form letter with a macro lacking proper grammar is what I got. They were keeping it cold. The AB Administrator handling the appeal says I have a good chance of turning it around, but that it usually takes several months and multiple appeals before it turns around................I want to call the clerk at the insurance company and tell them to hurry up and just authorize it already...I need to call my Grandma.
I love you Grandad....as Mom said at the funeral...we will always share a birthday. It shall now be your own holiday in tribute. God Bless.
Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones besides the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells
Breathe - Pink Floyd
I never said I was frightened of dying
The Great Gig In the Sky - Pink Floyd
posted by David R at 4:14 AM
1 Comments:
I really hope that you get the chance to pick up the phone and call your grandmother! I know I count my blessings, everytime I can do that. Its amazing what you can do when you have the CI.
-Samantha
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