Normally at this time, I’d be sitting here with my Sony MDR V600 Studio Edition headphones wrapped around my ears blasting away. I do mean blasting. These aren’t cheap headphones. They do not distort even if you turn the stereo amp all the way up, though I do not recommend this to anyone with normal hearing. They qualify as a pair of little high quality speakers you wrap around your head. At the volume I’d have to play them at to hear enough, it was easy for anyone in the room to hear them as if the TV were on at normal volume. That’s testament to their power and to how bad my hearing was.

Music has always been…everything. It’s been my friend, my hobby, my avenue of escape, my dreams, my therapy….my soul. I never cared for sports (though I have the body for it) and I was always a loner. When I first lost my hearing at 7 years old ( I was a very conscious child), I didn’t skip a beat, no idiotic pun intended. I just kept on listening even while it got more difficult. When I could no longer understand the lyrics just by listening, I read them. It took more work to listen and get it all. But it was still there and every bit as enjoyable. With amplification from my hearing aid, I was getting quite a bit of it. I took piano lessons in junior high and went on to the guitar in high school. I even wound up taking Music Theory successfully, proving myself to the Teacher who had his reservations about my ability or whether I was serious.

The possibility of my residual hearing going has always been there. If it happened before…. it could happen again. It decided to happen this year. During the first round back in 1980, it was quick..a matter of hours. This time around it was subtle..playing with me, going back and forth. Everything would sound as if I was listening under-water and then it would return to “normal.” At first I had guessed it was the hearing aid having issues. In fact, it turned out it did need repairs according to my audiologist, so my fears were put to rest, falsely. The under-water effect still occurred while using the loaner aid and it was getting worse and more frequent. Then very loud whining tinnitus, out of the norm from what I usually get as a dull hiss, began to occur along with the drops in hearing. Slowly, the reality that I was losing my hearing sank in.

So instead of sitting here listening to music, I’m writing. I haven’t been able to listen to music for about 2 months now. I have to fill the void somehow. I’ve spent much of this time researching Implantation and everything that goes with it. I’ve managed to find a wide variety of user testimonies. But to be honest, I haven’t been satisfied with what is available. Music in many cases, was alien or just something in the background for these people. There were music lovers, but none really went too in depth with what they were hearing and experiencing. I hope to bridge that gap here by sharing my own experience as I’m starting the journey myself…and yes, it is a journey. I’m not being melodramatic.

I’m impatient as I am apprehensive. There is a lot that can go wrong with this. There is a lot that can go right. I’m going with it though. I’m sitting here cut off from my music and even more so from the world. It’s worth taking that jump.

Hello? Is there anybody out there?
I’m alone, hanging by a thread
Hook Me Up – Bon Jovi (2003)