Here I am, sitting here pretty much completely healed just under 3 weeks after surgery with the only perceptible difference being the fact I cannot hear. I'd say that say something about the success of the surgery when considering the alternatives... I simply feel fine. I'd be lying if I bitched about anything other than the fact that I'm getting a bit sick of the silence. I bounced right back physically from the surgery.

There was no face off with the gas.....well not consciously anyway. I got my wish and I was put out via I.V. This of course...only happened because the anesthesiologist recognized I was not a calm man. Oh don't get me wrong....I wasn't losing my mind. But I was jumpy and a bit wired. At one point I had a technician preparing to insert an IV needle into the top of my right hand while on my left I had a nurse asking me questions which required I pay attention to her. I saw it as a ploy to distract me from the fact my hand was about to be stabbed. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't find that situation all that calming.

Despite the anesthesiologist assurance of "no gas".....once I was in the operating room they put an oxygen mask on me and told me to breathe deep. I probably should have mentioned to him that I'm not keen on that either. The masks both smell the same though they look different. So the whole motion of putting that mask on while smelling that sickeningly sweet rubber smell just took me back to 1981. I practically had myself thinking it was more bamboozling from the staff....they were giving me gas and telling me it's oxygen. Judge Judy could use that phrase but I own it. I kept asking "are you putting me out now??" "No," they would shake their heads. This repeated 2 or 3 times. Then at one point the nurse indicated they were going to put me out and they started putting something in the IV drip. Frankly...that was it.

The next I knew the recovery room nurse tapped me awake and told me "all finished." "It's over?" then gradually became aware of the tight-pressurized feeling around my right ear and the fact I had a strap around my head. Then I became aware that I needed a pink basin and quickly. The usual vomiting ritual followed. It actually wasn't so bad. I saw the vomiting as the finish-line for the surgery ordeal. Now I could just move on to dealing with the after-effects. Dr. House came to my bedside just after the very brief wave of vomiting passed (the surgical cap made him look like a lunch lady at the school cafeteria...no disrespect intended..but it did lighten my mood.) I asked him if he got full insertation, which he said he did. I left it at that. I was down to pure lip reading at that point.

I was wheeled back to my room where my Mom, Dad, and Stephen were waiting outside. They all had these big grins going. I guess Dr House had already visited with them and gave them the details. They actually knew more than I did. But the gist of it was that the surgery as a whole could not have gone better.

It couldn't have gone better. It was actually a good experience, not one I look back on traumatically as I did the numerous ear surgeries of my childhood. The staff was for the most part, excellent. I wish I could remember the name of the Anesthesiologist. Despite my earlier derision, I actually liked him. He came to my room to introduce himself prior to my being wheeled over to the surgery area. He had a very personable demeanor that I'll always remember. The technician who inserted the I.V. did it with skill...no adding to my traumatic memories. Dr House had an upbeat attitude from the moment I saw him just prior to being wheeled into surgery. You'd think he actually enjoys doing these things. Then there was my family at my side. It was kind of a nice day, all things considered. Those who weren't there had given their prayers and they were felt. I am grateful for the support of everyone.

It's taken me until now to write about the surgery partially because in the initial days, I wasn't really up for much. I found myself napping on and off throughout the day for the first few days. I could barely finish watching a movie (at one point, my family and I started watching "Walk The Line"..I have no idea what happened between the beginning and the end.) Really though, the real reason it's taken me until now was because I felt I should probably say something about it before activation. Once the surgery point was passed, I became focused on getting hooked up. That had been my attitude all along.."let's get it over with." I got it over with and had nothing to complain about. I'm happy and blessed I can sit here and say it went that well.



It's been mostly the last week that has been the hardest in terms of waiting. I was otherwise preoccupied with my family or just adjusting to one thing or another. The full work week was another story. I finally began to be even more conscious of the fact I cannot hear anything. The tinnitus has been my only source of sound stimulation, I'm oddly thankful for that. Just so long as it shuts the hell up when I'm activated as opposed to turning into a crying screech, as if it can't handle it.

I've been trying to imagine how it will sound. It's really a fruitless effort. Setting my heart on anything is a bad idea. I'm best off just opening my mind and just take it as it comes. It's an adventure, not business as usual. When it comes down to it, it's highly likely I'm going to hear things I haven't heard in years. Birds and crickets come to mind. Both were comforting sounds as a child....one heralding the arrival of morning while the other gave reassurance in the dead of night. I remember them both very clearly. Yet, it's going to be a shock to hear those frequencies again. I may not be curing my hearing...but I'd sure say alot is to be said about the times we live in when I am hearing things again that I would otherwise never hear again.

This is going to be a trip......just 2 more days and it's on.

HEY YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!
Moving out in a new way
Moving out in a new way
We're gonna turn it on (turn it on)
We're gonna bring you the power (you can do it)
We're gonna light the dark of night like the brightest day in a whole new way
We're Gonna Turn it On (do do do)
We're Gonna Bring you the Power (do do do do)
We're gonna tell you the truest words that you heard anybody say
Moving out in a new way
Moving out in a new way
We're gonna turn it on
We're gonna bring you the power
It's coming down the lines, strong as they can be
through the courtesy
of the Electric Company
The Electric Company - The Short Circus (Composer: Joe Raposo)