I decided it was high time I sat down and fed into this. Changes in my personal life put my focus on the CI off, while things still unfolded related to that. My heart just wasn't in it to talk about it. Yet, I had my 3rd month post-activation mapping happen as well as the passing of my blog's 1 year anniversary. I had originally planned to post on the day of the anniversary..but just couldn't find the fuel to do so. What I wanted to write was not appropriate for this journal focusing on my CI and how my life is impacted by it. As a result, it died around here for a while while I channeled my energy towards getting through another trial.
The anniversary of my blog was definitely worth pausing to look back on things. In August of 2005, I was quite uncertain of what lay ahead. I was determined to make it happen, but I was afraid that I'd be thrust into a world of alien sound. There were people talking about it sounding like natural hearing, but then there were people who were talking about how mechanical it sounds. Nevermind those complaints about how horrible music sounded. The one theme was that they all seemed to have improved speech discrimination abilities. With my hearing slippping, priorities took over. I was already getting a taste of what it's like to be cut off from the world on that level...having it get worse wasn't an option.
If anyone told me at that time, when I had just picked out the device to be implanted in my ear at the evaluation testing, that I would be where I am at now...I'd have laughed and dismissed them. I had no idea that the phone would be back in my life. Not just part-time either. Those phone minutes on my cell are actually getting used. The relay service has become a museum piece. On the Friday just prior to the weekend of my blog's anniversary on August 21st, I called up the clinic to pay my medical bill using my bank card. She had a spanish accent and I had to correct her on the card number when she repeated it back wrong. It took 2 minutes to do a task by just picking up the phone and calling versus the 10 minutes to call through a relay service and get through the transaction. This was the first cold call I had ever made to someone I've never talked to before in my life. A week later at the mapping, in-booth testing would find my sentence discrimination scores at 80% up from 50% at the previous mapping at the one-month post activation point. The kind of thing I barely allowed myself to dream of a year prior turned reality 3 months into post-activation.
Since then, I have also dealt with my auto-mechanic with their customary call-back after you take the car in and they tell you what's wrong with it and how much. This is something that is rather hellish to do through the relay service since the people in those places tend to hang up before the relay operator can get past "California Relay Service with a call.." Then if you do manage to get them stay on the line to be able to communicate to them, they are generally annoyed and you spend the first minute or two just trying to get them to work with you and get to the real stuff. Apparently those days are behind me now, too. I've found myself in various situations that required I speak with people I've never spoken to before on the phone. For the most part, it goes well. There are people that are difficult to understand without repeats...but there are also those that require very little repeating. That is what encourages me to just keep diving in to the deep end.
Music......there are times I break into fits of laughter while listening to it because I'm in awe of the detail I'm hearing. My fears concerning the possible loss of music as a source of enjoyment post-implant were dismissed early on. Not only can I enjoy the tones of music, but understanding what is being sung without a lyric sheet is creeping in. Then there is the fact that as a fan of listening to live recordings...I'm actually able to enjoy the between-song banter as the performer speaks to the audience. It was always something to skip over.
The 3rd month mapping brought about some changes. I came to the full realization that mappings generally mean that whatever progress I have made with the sound quality improvement will be set back temporarily again. I've read it mentioned by others, but you really do pretty much start over with each mapping since you must readjust each time, but each time it is being tightened up..fine tuned. My comfort levels were increased, while my thresholds stayed the same. MPS, which had been settling in nicely with music, lost it's pleasing sound after the mapping. Hi Res was again proving to be the choice for clearer speech, but neither were really giving me music the way it was just prior to the mapping. Both were resembling how they sounded in the initial weeks post-activation. So that put me off being excited about mappings...for two weeks.
Two weeks later, music started smoothing out..on Hi Res. It wasn't perfect and I had to keep a conservative volume, but it was getting there. It improved as each day passed. I would only switch to MPS briefly, but not be satisfied with how it was processing. Where last time around, I started out with Hi Res, which declined in quality when my volume needs increased and I wound up switching to MPS full time by the time of the 3rd mapping...this time around Hi Res is the only strategy I am using now a month and a half since the mapping. I found the trick was to stick with it rather than switching back and forth. It turns out that MPS is easier to take on and settle into more quickly than Hi Res is. This was influenced by my listening to music since it just sounded more readily pleasing with MPS. I gritted my teeth through less than pleasing bouts of music-listening through Hi Res and have since been rewarded with the kind of results MPS was bringing at it's height and the light continues to break through the haze.
There is also the fact that the FDA requirement for using the 120 channel strategy is 3 months of Hi Res usage. Had I stuck with MPS, that would have been a concern. I imagine my Audie would have allowed me to try 120 regardless...but I wouldn't have gained the patience required for allowing an advanced strategy to settle in. Looks like I'll be ready to go now that the processor and the strategy have been approved for the U.S. and will begin to be rolled out in January of 2007, just 3 or so months away.
It's difficult for me to complain too much about life these days when I realize the blessings bestowed on me. I find myself generally happier and less stressed out by everyday things simply because the world is opening up. The same problems are there, but they just don't cause my smile to crack so easily anymore. Even when I'm down, I have still have the blessing of turning to music to get me through. Ironic.
I can't write a love song the way I feel today
I can't sing no song of hope I got nothing to say
Life is feeling kind of strange since you went away
I sing this song to wherever you are
As my guitar lies bleeding in my arms
My Guitar Lies Bleeding In My Arms - Bon Jovi
The anniversary of my blog was definitely worth pausing to look back on things. In August of 2005, I was quite uncertain of what lay ahead. I was determined to make it happen, but I was afraid that I'd be thrust into a world of alien sound. There were people talking about it sounding like natural hearing, but then there were people who were talking about how mechanical it sounds. Nevermind those complaints about how horrible music sounded. The one theme was that they all seemed to have improved speech discrimination abilities. With my hearing slippping, priorities took over. I was already getting a taste of what it's like to be cut off from the world on that level...having it get worse wasn't an option.
If anyone told me at that time, when I had just picked out the device to be implanted in my ear at the evaluation testing, that I would be where I am at now...I'd have laughed and dismissed them. I had no idea that the phone would be back in my life. Not just part-time either. Those phone minutes on my cell are actually getting used. The relay service has become a museum piece. On the Friday just prior to the weekend of my blog's anniversary on August 21st, I called up the clinic to pay my medical bill using my bank card. She had a spanish accent and I had to correct her on the card number when she repeated it back wrong. It took 2 minutes to do a task by just picking up the phone and calling versus the 10 minutes to call through a relay service and get through the transaction. This was the first cold call I had ever made to someone I've never talked to before in my life. A week later at the mapping, in-booth testing would find my sentence discrimination scores at 80% up from 50% at the previous mapping at the one-month post activation point. The kind of thing I barely allowed myself to dream of a year prior turned reality 3 months into post-activation.
Since then, I have also dealt with my auto-mechanic with their customary call-back after you take the car in and they tell you what's wrong with it and how much. This is something that is rather hellish to do through the relay service since the people in those places tend to hang up before the relay operator can get past "California Relay Service with a call.." Then if you do manage to get them stay on the line to be able to communicate to them, they are generally annoyed and you spend the first minute or two just trying to get them to work with you and get to the real stuff. Apparently those days are behind me now, too. I've found myself in various situations that required I speak with people I've never spoken to before on the phone. For the most part, it goes well. There are people that are difficult to understand without repeats...but there are also those that require very little repeating. That is what encourages me to just keep diving in to the deep end.
Music......there are times I break into fits of laughter while listening to it because I'm in awe of the detail I'm hearing. My fears concerning the possible loss of music as a source of enjoyment post-implant were dismissed early on. Not only can I enjoy the tones of music, but understanding what is being sung without a lyric sheet is creeping in. Then there is the fact that as a fan of listening to live recordings...I'm actually able to enjoy the between-song banter as the performer speaks to the audience. It was always something to skip over.
The 3rd month mapping brought about some changes. I came to the full realization that mappings generally mean that whatever progress I have made with the sound quality improvement will be set back temporarily again. I've read it mentioned by others, but you really do pretty much start over with each mapping since you must readjust each time, but each time it is being tightened up..fine tuned. My comfort levels were increased, while my thresholds stayed the same. MPS, which had been settling in nicely with music, lost it's pleasing sound after the mapping. Hi Res was again proving to be the choice for clearer speech, but neither were really giving me music the way it was just prior to the mapping. Both were resembling how they sounded in the initial weeks post-activation. So that put me off being excited about mappings...for two weeks.
Two weeks later, music started smoothing out..on Hi Res. It wasn't perfect and I had to keep a conservative volume, but it was getting there. It improved as each day passed. I would only switch to MPS briefly, but not be satisfied with how it was processing. Where last time around, I started out with Hi Res, which declined in quality when my volume needs increased and I wound up switching to MPS full time by the time of the 3rd mapping...this time around Hi Res is the only strategy I am using now a month and a half since the mapping. I found the trick was to stick with it rather than switching back and forth. It turns out that MPS is easier to take on and settle into more quickly than Hi Res is. This was influenced by my listening to music since it just sounded more readily pleasing with MPS. I gritted my teeth through less than pleasing bouts of music-listening through Hi Res and have since been rewarded with the kind of results MPS was bringing at it's height and the light continues to break through the haze.
There is also the fact that the FDA requirement for using the 120 channel strategy is 3 months of Hi Res usage. Had I stuck with MPS, that would have been a concern. I imagine my Audie would have allowed me to try 120 regardless...but I wouldn't have gained the patience required for allowing an advanced strategy to settle in. Looks like I'll be ready to go now that the processor and the strategy have been approved for the U.S. and will begin to be rolled out in January of 2007, just 3 or so months away.
It's difficult for me to complain too much about life these days when I realize the blessings bestowed on me. I find myself generally happier and less stressed out by everyday things simply because the world is opening up. The same problems are there, but they just don't cause my smile to crack so easily anymore. Even when I'm down, I have still have the blessing of turning to music to get me through. Ironic.
I can't write a love song the way I feel today
I can't sing no song of hope I got nothing to say
Life is feeling kind of strange since you went away
I sing this song to wherever you are
As my guitar lies bleeding in my arms
My Guitar Lies Bleeding In My Arms - Bon Jovi
posted by David R at 4:01 AM
1 Comments:
I'm so glad to hear from you again! Great post!! You give me so much hope and encouragement!! I hope that you're able to come back and write more soon :)
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